zeekie: take two.

This past midnight I walked from my home on 4th and Ave C, to my brother's place on 3rd Avenue and 11th Street. I've been making the same trek for the past few midnights, but tonight was the first night the place on 4th really seemed like home to me.

I think it's because I finally finished repainting all the big walls I wanted repainted. The past few days have been ones of routine: going to classes and / or work during daytime; moving stuff to the place on 4th during evening / night-time; and doing work on the place after I get there until past midnight. Then I walk back to my brother's place, quickly but enjoying every step, on the way stopping in at Dunkin' Donuts to grab a snack.

But tonight was slightly but significantly different. Tonight I finished repainting all the big walls I wanted repainted. Before I left I stopped a moment to stand in the living room. I looked all around me, at the white dove walls that I had picked out. Even though the plasma television still needs to be mounted, and even though other miscellaneous pieces of furniture need to be rearranged or replaced, and even though no unpacking has been done at all - despite all of these 'even though's, this was still effectively now my very own apartment.

I will go as far as to say that it is now my baby; although it has yet to wear the 'clothes' I will give it, yet the 'body' of the place has already been born from me. It has turned from an apartment I had rented, to being an apartment that carries my DNA.

For now, you might say, and you would be entirely correct. I don't know what the next tenant will do with it; I'm not foolish enough to imagine a windfall that will free me from my bond; and even if one did materialize, I know myself well enough to know that I will move upwards. But for the moment it is mine and vice versa; I belong to it because it belongs to me.

When I walked from home in the chill and the dark, I had with me a feeling of warm and fuzzy contentment. I don't think the feeling is entirely attributable to my new home, but the latter certainly serves as a synecdoche for all the changes that have contributed to the former.

And for the past two months I have been constantly struck by another feeling: that for the first time in years I've finally succeeded in moving forward, and will continue to do so in my remaining years here. And those feelings combined make me so indescribably happy (at least right now) that I won't even try to make it describably.

I probably need to find and work a second job, but even that sounds more like fun to me than actual work. The only thing is, I really wish my friends from Singapore could see me now (especially if it's cold enough that I can wear my black trenchcoat).

But regardless. Here's to walking from home at one in the morning; I highly encourage everybody to give it a try, and I do hope everyone has the chance to give it a try.