zeekie: take two.

...is really good. I mean, really really good.

I mean, so good that I could probably watch the entire first season in one sitting if I had all the discs.

Filming at Astor Place and Lafayette!

I stood across the street and stared at the set and people!

I... didn't see any of the stars.

And now I have one exclamation mark left.*

*Each person is allowed three exclamation marks in his or her life.

Another bone-tickler.

The usual sic's apply, of course:

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Dear Sir:

A group of archaeologists have discovered twenty-six ancient letters in the Middle East and Greece. These letters, written during the life of Jesus, have enormous historic implications for the Christian world. Correspondence between the archaeologists and their mysterious, unnamed sponsor are intercepted by the Sons of Light, a sect dating to the time of Jesus.

Fearing the end of two thousand years of tradition, the Sons of Light will stop at nothing to impede the archaeologist's inquiry. A mercenary, Retired Colonel Kerry Johnson, is hired to protect the archeologists. Realizing the archeologists are moving toward a solution, the sect becomes even more aggressive. Colonel Johnson and Erin Matthews, granddaughter of world-renowned archaeologist, and a well-known archaeologist herself travel to Egypt and Israel to collect critical data as part of the research.

Follwing Colonel Johnson and Erin Matthews to Egypt, the sect pursues the couple and through many ruses, the Sons of Light attempt to frighten them into ending the investigation. Cardinal Vincent, of the Catholic Church validates the letters and divulges the last astonishing secret. It was not Jesus who was crucified! It was his brother - a case of mistaken identity!

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I partly blame Dan Brown.

The two words I hate to see misused most: 1) literally, 2) ironically.

The two words that are misused most: 1) literally, 2) ironically.

For the uninitiated, the slush pile is the stacks and stacks of unsolicited manuscripts that sits by the interns' area.

In the history of Tor, only "two and maybe a few more" manuscripts have ever been published from the slush pile. And today I learned why.

In order for the manuscript to even make it out of the interns' area, it has to be read in full by all the interns. And it has to earn the support of all said interns.

And even then it has to be read in full by the editor's assistant. And if the assistant doesn't believe in it then it's back to the writing board for the author.

I guess I really was naive before. I kind of see why it's so important to have big names stumping for you now. To achieve publication, an unsolicited manuscript has to be read in full by and win the support of so many nameless people that the odds are really terrible.

I've gotten plenty of strange cover letters since I started interning at Tor, but I really don't think they come much stranger than this:

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Dear Editor:

I am seeking publication for my novel, Crossroads, a biography of Mary, the mother of Jesus, containing 30 chapters, 102,397 words. I am enclosing a synopsis and the first three chapters for your consideration.

Mary lifts the veil that has shrouded her in mystery for 2,000 years. Undaunted by present church doctrines, she depicts her life with the Essenes in a heart stopping narrative that reveals her innermost thoughts and fears from the birth of Jesus to his crucifixion. Crossroads may be classified as a work of historical fiction; however, the original manuscript was channeled in its entirety from Mary in 1993. The events though vastly different than the stories told in the New Testament, are, I believe, true.

I can take no credit for the story. I simply edited the work with the help of my writer's group. I am not a psychic or a medium. My life's work has been devoted to education beginning as a high school history teacher and later becoming the first certified vocational guidance counselor in the state of North Carolina. My last career challenge was to serve as a college admissions advisor for a nationally recognized technical university. I retired in 2005 and began editing the manuscript enclosed.

I was raised as an Episcopalian and at the age of 17 aspired to be a nun. My library overflows with works of various authors pertaining to religion. My mother was a Christian; my father, a learned Jew. When I was 13, my father insisted I choose a religion; however, before choosing one, he required I study each denomination except Judaism. When I was 40, I decided to become a Jew. My father said, "So, you finally found the cornerstone." I believe the story that flowed from Mary was given into my hands because of my own personal journey. I look forward to your reply.

--------

Okay, WHAT? The thing is, it's not a bad story, and the person writes fairly capably. But I can't imagine what the press tours and interviews will be like if the manuscript really gets published.

I also can't decide whether I want it to be an elaborate hoax or God's honest truth.

Lately it seems like every work email I send goes into the Internet space and then... disappears.

I had a fairly stable job writing for Gym Ticket a few weeks back. It's a website that tells people what gyms are in which areas, and my job was to punch up the descriptions of the gyms. Standard ad copy-writing; not very interesting, but not hard to write either. Then, two weeks ago, without warning, I stopped getting work from my liaison. I called him last week and he was very effusively apologetic, but up to today I still haven't heard from him (online or otherwise).

I don't think my work was unsatisfactory; he told me I was the company's best writer and I see no reason why he would lie to me. I mean, we barely know each other, and furthermore I'm just a freelance employee. I don't think it's a scam either, since the liaison is listed on Facebook and I have his personal phone number. In other words, I really have no idea what is going on.

And that's not the only application that seems to have been abducted by Internet aliens. I applied to a position writing ad-copy for adult toys, to another position as an ad-hoc reviewer, and to a third position writing press releases for a modeling agency. All three said they were interested, sent me work, and then abruptly ceased contact.

Now these three I can sort of believe were scams: perhaps there is some unspoken trick of the trade where freelancers get fleeced for one job so the companies never have to pay. But that this trick spans so many papers and industries seems a little far-fetched even to me.

And, in any case, besides of all these, I haven't even mentioned the other positions I applied for, including more risque ones (and yes, more risque than ad-copy for adult toys). These other positions were mysteriously terminated between 'we're interested' and the receiving of work.

All I can say is, I'm glad Urban Outfitters is hiring.